He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize