so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
