dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
