I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
