Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
