My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
