I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize