A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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