I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
