i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
