Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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