you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Pants are for mortals
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
