You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
