You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
