did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
