i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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