are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize