You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
