My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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