apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
