I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
