Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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