my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
