So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Randomize
