I can't watch pbs sober anymore
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize