just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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