It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
