You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
