Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
