I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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