you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
