I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
