I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
