are you still at the devil's house?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
this boner is exhausting
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
