i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
