so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize