so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
