Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
