I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
