My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
