She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
