Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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