meet me or not, i'm out of control
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
