I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
