i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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