im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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