Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
