you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
