no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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