Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
