Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
i think i just lost a toe
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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