It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
