ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
