if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
