do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize