1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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