Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
