I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize