wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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