it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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