We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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