My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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