Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
