Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize