I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
