dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
