The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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