so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
