i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize